When John Adams proclaimed, “I believe in a government of laws, not of men,” he couldn’t have imagined just how many laws—or how much legal mumbo-jumbo—his descendants would have to endure. In his day, after all, people didn’t do things like put an empty sheet at the end of the Constitution labeled, “This page intentionally left blank.”
Today, legalese and lawsuit-avoidance techniques confront us at every turn. Movie DVDs begin with the shocking news that opinions expressed in their commentary tracks are actually those of the people expressing them. Emails end with statements about how “this message, together with any attachments, is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed.” TV car commercials show drivers performing death-defying stunts while fine print warns, “Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt.” (Thanks for telling me. I was just about to floor the accelerator.)
And have you read any software agreements lately? Of course not. Nobody but lawyers wades through those things. But they can be enlightening. I mean, who would have guessed that Apple disallows use of its App Store for “any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear missiles, or chemical or biological weapons”? That’s right: If you download the Facebook app and manage somehow to convert it into an atomic bomb, the folks from Apple will see you in court. (And if you think I’m making this up, just read Clause G of the company’s poetically named Licensed Application End User License Agreement.)
So what does all this have to do with business aviation? Well, if the App Store’s agreement seems impossibly longwinded and abstruse, what do you suppose the typical business-jet-related legal document reads like? Yup—an even more incomprehensible mess. If you’re not getting results with Lunesta or Ambien, try spending a little time with the Federal Aviation Regulations, which feature such heartfelt prose as, “An operator may substitute for the required plan a notice, certified as true plan (under penalty of 18 U.S.C. 10001) by that operator, that no change in the plan or status of an airplane affected by the plan has occurred since the date of the plan most recently submitted under this section.”
Huh?
Of course, it’s not just the government that’s spewing forth this sort of gibberish. I recently attempted to decipher the contract employed by one of the leading fractional-jet-share providers and gave up after about 350 words—all of which were part of one sentence. This thing made James Joyce’s Ulysses seem like Goodnight Moon—and it went on for more than 40 pages. There ought to be a law against contracts like this, but it would probably be written by lawyers, so it would just compound the damage.
If you’re reviewing a contract for a new jet, fractional share or jet card, you’re probably in a mood to echo Shakespeare’s famous line from Henry VI about how we should “kill all the lawyers.” But if you can’t do that, better get your own.
And be careful what you do with those App Store apps.
Jeff Burger joined Business Jet Traveler in March 2004, a few months after the publication’s launch. Besides editing the magazine, he has written many articles for it and conducted its interviews with such luminaries as Sir Richard Branson, James Carville, Suze Orman, Donald Trump, F. Lee Bailey, and Steve Van Zandt. Burger helped to oversee the introduction of BJT’s annual Readers' Choice surveys and Buyers’ Guide.
During his years with the magazine, it has won well over a hundred editorial awards. In 2011, Burger received the Gold Wing Award for Reporting Excellence from the National Business Aviation Association and the Aviation Journalism Award from the National Air Transportation Association. He has also won writing and editing awards from the American Society of Business Publication Editors. BJT, meanwhile, was named Best International Publication in 2017 in the Aerospace Media Awards. It was also a Magazine of the Year finalist in 2011, 2013, and 2016 and an Overall Excellence winner in 2018 in competitions sponsored by the American Society of Business Publication Editors.
Before coming to BJT, Burger spent 14 years at Medical Economics, the nation’s leading business magazine for doctors, where he served on the editorial board; directed staff recruiting; oversaw a $2 million annual budget; and was financial editor, news editor, and director of special projects. He has been editor of several publications, including Phoenix Magazine in Arizona, and has been a consulting editor at Time Inc. His articles have appeared in more than 75 magazines and newspapers, among them The Los Angeles Times, Barron’s, Reader’s Digest, Gentlemen’s Quarterly , and Family Circle. Chicago Review Press published his books, Springsteen on Springsteen: Interviews, Speeches, and Encounters, Leonard Cohen on Leonard Cohen: Interviews and Encounter, Lennon on Lennon: Conversations with John Lennon, and Dylan on Dylan: Interviews and Encounters. His music writing appears on multiple websites, including his own byjeffburger.com.
Burger, a summa cum laude graduate of the State University of New York at Albany, lives in Ridgewood, N.J. He and his wife, Madeleine, have two grown children. His off-hours passions include cooking, travel, technology, movies, and music.
